Like crazy/Unmade beds

Like crazy: I love this movie. I have watched it around 8 times. It never gets old, it never will get old either. I adore the characters and the way the actors/actresses play the characters. This movie couldn't possibly bore anyone. If you're into romantic movies that will literally make you cry, I suggest you watch this. You will fall in love with it.

Unmade Beds This movie isn't specifically a love movie; although it does show different forms of love. The quotes in this movie are honestly amazing. I think I've quoted this movie around 100 times, maybe more. I watch this everytime I want to feel good, it literally helps. It's my second favorite movie in the world. i just love everything about this movie. Watch it.

I don't know what's going on with us. I feel like we're making this huge change for no reason. We love each other but it doesn't look like it. We literally just made up and we're going to fight again? I hate that. I really do. You treat me really bad now, I kind of knew this would happen. After I've given you everything from me. Everything possible, you actually are starting to treat me really bad. I don't like that. I love you but man you're pushing me away.

Song of the day: Weebles Fall by Slovo

This has been my favorite song for years. It makes me happy, it really does. If I listen to it I just get in a happy mood. I hate that Slovo doesn't have enough fame. They are overlooked at and no one ever really listens to them. Listen to this. Listen to their music.

I read this today

It's scary how correct it is, but I really love the way it's worded. Here it goes:

Happiness is like a butterfly. The more you chase it, the more it will elude you. But if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder.

I made plans with you today and I have no idea why I think you're not going to show up You never do, especially when you agree to it so quickly. You kind of always ditch me, even though it's not just you going. I'm taking other people, of course, but still.. You tend to do that a lot. I should be used to it by now but it's actually a big pain still. Not really the kind of pain that makes you feel like shit, but it's close to that. I just want to hang out again without any feelings getting in the way. I like that. I like hanging out with you without actually liking you. You're still my friend. I just wish you acted like it sometimes. Anyways, I'm really busy this weekend, Friday I'm going with Lily to watch the perks of being a wallflower. It's about time. I have been planning to go watch it but no one ever wants to go with me. Maybe it's the fact that I pick overly emotional movies, but it looks so regardless. Sat I'm going to a show with all my show friends. I'm excited for that because I haven't gone to a show in weeks. I am really excited for that. Sunday I'm going to the movies again. This time we're going to watch sinister. Hopefully everything turns out good because usually when I think things are going to go good, they turn out to be terrible.

I want to disappear.

I don’t believe anyone dies. I have no idea if I sound crazy or not, but I’ve been thinking so much about death lately that it’s impossible to focus on anything else. I’ve got different views on death than most people, and maybe even different views on death than I had a year ago. I feel as if no one really dies. I don’t think it’s possible. Yes, people have been to funerals because someone, “died” and yes they’ve seen the bodies, they’ve seen how lifeless they looked. The body doesn’t really die, I think the body is just abondoned. Whatever caused the soul to leave it made it that way. So obviously everyone sees a dead person. Someone they’ve known for the longest in a coffin. I thought about this for a while. Does the soul really leave though? I mean of course it leaves the body, and whatever else made the person who they were. I think they don’t leave, they leave in a different way. They simply move. I think a person is full of energy, and that energy moves somewhere else. It’s like hibernation in a way. The energy was hibernating inside someone for who knows how long, and when it finally woke up, it decided to leave. The causes of death are just signs of waking up. And when a person, “dies” the soul and energy, wake up, only not really. Lying in a coffin isn’t a place where you go when you die. Being buried isn’t the place that you go when you die either, it’s that moment in life where you actually start living. Whether anyone else knows it or not. Dead things are living things. Living things are dead. Living things are trapped in a body while dead things are all around. In the trees, in the sky, in the sand, in the water, in the air. We’re surronded by dead things, and I think those dead things are what make everything seem alive. A person carrys around energy that has been trapped. The human body functions with this so call energy. And when the energy feels like leaving, it will leave and so will the soul. The human body will be left to rot. Like a home that was never bought, or like a puppy that was left to starve. No one is ever gone, they’re all around us. And we’re all dead while they’re alive. It’s almost scary. I don’t know, I’ve gone mad I suppose.

I really don’t like when two people like each other, or two people are friends, then something small happens, and it changes everything. Like if that small thing was something so effective that it actually caused people to separate from each other. I don’t see why life works that way. People are weird when they’re lonely. They’re like babies almost. Like babies, they need someone there, to care for them, or just be with them. And when no one is there, they cry. Why would anyone push someone away for something small? This isn’t specifically a situation I’m going through right now, but it’s happened a lot of times in my life. One day I’m friends with someone, we talk, we laugh, we do everything together. Then one day they’re gone. I mean the people are still around living their own lives, but they’re gone from your own life. And I hate the after feeling. At first it’s like, “its fine, things happen” then it hits you and you realize how lonely you really are. It’s strange that feeling. It’s almost as if you’re never the same after someone leaves your life. I think when someone leaves, part of you erases. Like a video game. You get to a high level, then something happens, and you lose. So you have to start all over again. I feel like that sometimes, as if I’m playing a video game all the time and I keep losing. You only realize things are so bad after you find your loneliness. It’s always been there but it was just hiding. In the back of everything you ever hated. I feel sometimes like everyone is dead. All my old friends, all the people I ever fell in love with. Sometimes I feel like they’re actually dead, so that’s my excuse. They’re dead so I can’t fix anything; although I could. I don’t like losing friends. I’m never the same after. I feel like I’m literally re born everytime.

I shouldn’t be allowed to feel anything. No one should be allowed to feel anything. Life would be so much better if everyone was cold, and didn’t think so much about their love lives, their problems, their sadness. I’d prefer to be nothing. Because nothing gets everything. By that I mean nothing can be anything without getting attached to something. Nothing can fall off a cliff and still be alive once it hits the ground. If I were nothing I wouldn’t be able to feel happiness or sadness.

I haven’t cried in a long time and now it seems like I’ve been crying a lot lately. especially in the shower and it’s making me really sad.

i’ve been drunk too much and i’m getting all depressed and worried again

I used to think before a lot about certain things and now it’s like those things never even cross my mind. I’m not totally obsessed or totally happy when something happens, it’s weird because i could’ve sworn that I’d never be where I am today. I could’ve sworn that I’d be stuck in that same hole for the rest of my life. but i learned that people need space, and if you don’t give them any, they turn mean and angry. I just realized that I’ve moved on from something that i thought would be so difficult but i did it and it’s so weird that I’m able to talk and not feel like I’m totally stuck and attached.

Listen to this. This song is simply perfect, the lyrics are wonderful. I usually listen to the acoustic version, but this version is actually beautiful as well.
Lyrics:
 waiting for the sun but i know that it'll come
i feel reborn when you touch my arm
whole new view, feel better when i talk to you
i get scared with what i wear
and even when you yell i still love your belly
it's true
riding it through the night
straight through

it still feels new when i talk to you
i feel reborn when the sun gets warm
it's hard but i feel better when i'm not inside
i get scared you'll leave me soon
even though we call each other every afternoon
it's true
it took a little time but i know you

i'm not bored at all
you can call me when you want to call

i used to want to show you every single line
now it's hard for me to show you anything i write
i know that i get nervous when we're not alone
but i wait for you for hours when we're coming home
when we started talking i got so excited
and i swear i tried to go out every single night
i know that you will always be the one who's my

spirit desire
spend my time
tell me that you're always going to be my life

i'm not bored at all
you can call me when you want to call

Tigers jaw

Actually starting to have some unhealthy obsession with Tigers Jaw. I've always liked them but their music is literally getting me through the day lately and I honestly can not stop listening to them.

Please don't go

All those arrows you threw, you threw them away.
You kept falling in love and then one day,
When you fell you fell towards me
When you crashed in the clouds,
You found me

Please don't go, I want you so
I can't let go
For I lose control

Get these left handed lovers out of your way
They look hopeful but you, you should not stay
If you want me to break down and give you the keys
I can do that but I can't let you leave

Oh, please don't go
I want you so
I can't let go
For I lose control

I had a dream last night that we were sitting down and it was weird because that's all we were doing. We didn't even look at each other, we just sat there and looked at the ground. It was depressing how sad we both looked. Someone walked past us and grabbed your hand and I just stared at your hand and theirs. I didn't even know who it was. I don't know why they took you away but they did. I couldn't really do anything, all I did was watch the person take you away. You looked back for a second and nodded your head at me then you told me, "You'll be okay" and I woke up. That was the worst dream I've had in weeks.

It stills feels pretty bad, you know.. All this. I know I should probably feel better but I really don't. I think I feel worse. I didn't go to school today. I don't know why. We talked about talking about things, and maybe fixing this but I didn't want to talk. I hate talking about things. I just feel bad.

I think we're back together I'm not too sure. Hopefully we are I know I told everyone that I didn't want to go back with you because I didn't want to get treated bad. I think the truth is that I was just scared of you and of myself. You can make me feel like shit in a matter of seconds and you don't even need to move a finger. That's scary because I've been through that, I've lived and experienced that for years. I told myself I wouldn't go through that again. I feel just like I felt 3 years ago, only a little worse.